Who doesn’t love a good nervous breakdown… Want to experience one for yourself during your teacher training? Well it’s actually pretty simple, so without making it too complicated, I’ve made you a list based purely on what actually happened to me!
Don’t clean up your food consumption. Once you are in teacher training it’ll be so much easier to eat consciously because you won’t have as many distractions.
Don’t read any of the recommended book list ahead of time. Again, you’ll have WAY more time when you are in your teacher training.
Practice 1 - 3 times a week leading up to training, that way your body isn’t sore leading into your training.
Start all of the self care practices, at the same time, as your teacher training starts. It’ll just optimize the experience so much more! You’ve wanted to start them for years, so now’s the time!
If this speaks to you, here is a sneak peek of what to look forward to!!
The Week Before: I’ve been practicing yoga for a while now and have had the opportunity to reap its long list of benefits. Now is the time to take the next steps and dive deeper into this whole yoga thing! TEACHER TRAINING (Insert blissed out sigh). It’s going to be freaking incredible! I get to focus solely on myself for one whole month, no distractions! Just me and my body, some badass teachers (it shouldn’t take more than a month to learn to handstand right?), and hopefully some cool hippies! I swear, I’m gonna come outta this thing totally transformed! I’m gonna be ripped (cuz obvi I’m starting my healthy eating cleanse as soon as this training starts) and I’m gonna be zen AF (I wonder if I’ll still want to murder my colleagues anymore?). I know I’m just going to FEEL so much more grounded when I get home!
First 3 Days of Training: Wow I hurt in ALL THE RIGHT PLACES! This process is going to be absolutely INCREDIBLE! I DEFINITELY have work to do in my practice, but I’m not going to be hard on myself (like I usually am). Practice and all will come! Everything in its due time! I don’t really know why the teachers invited us to just “feel whatever we need to feel” and that if we need to cry to just let it happen. Why would I need to cry? Weird… I thought I had some pent up $h*t but I actually feel fine! Maybe this training is going to be a breeze! Also, all the humans in this training are INCREDIBLE (there’s people who are actually handstanding already!). It’s so inspiring! And all of my teachers just seem to “know” things….like things that they couldn’t possibly know about me. It’s a bit invasive, but I’m totally into the process! Show me your ways OB1! Also, I wasn’t planning on quitting my job, but now it really just doesn’t make sense to go back to it when I’m finished. It isn’t what I WANT to be doing and it certainly doesn’t encourage me to live in my light. So, I’ve made the conscious decision to quit! I need to just trust myself and go with the flow. After this month is up, I will be totally prepared to take the necessary steps towards my dream. I WILL TRANSFORM IN THIS MONTH! BRING IT ON! #magicalwand
The Halfway Point (Roughly): “Um….WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F&$#! Is this even safe for my body to be moving this much? It can’t be! Why is my heart beating in my shoulders…isn’t it supposed to be beating in my chest? WHY CAN I SEE MY HEART BEATING IN MY SHOULDERS?! If I have to eat another salad I’m going to light this effing salad bar on fire. I need a burger! With extra bacon….wait…can my bacon have extra bacon? I need fries and a milkshake too please…no wait…make that 2 milk shakes! I want to experience the bliss of a food coma again. Oh and a shot of tequila…wait…make that the whole bottle please so I can ACTUALLY sleep tonight (because really, how is a person supposed to make sense of their dreams? As of right now they are getting in the way of my SLEEP!). Also, I hate everyone…including my psychopathic teachers and their stupid positive attitudes and stupid faces and stupid sequencing. Thanx for making me HATE downward dog! PS – if you make me do wheel pose and make me hold it again, I’m going to dick punch you (yes you read that correctly – DICK PUNCH). Who in their right mind chooses to go through this…
3rd Week-ish: So there are lights at the end of some tunnels…kind of…I think? I’ve graduated from anger to sadness now. I don’t think I’ve cried this much in my entire life (for no actual reason other than I couldn’t hold it back). I don’t even know what set me off in the first place. Maybe it was everyone else crying that stimulated my tears. My teacher keeps saying I’m shedding samaskaras (the memories popping up would suggest she’s right). I’ve come to the conclusion that my entire being is a samaskara…this lifting and sifting process is going to take a while. I had all these plans to start ALL THE THINGS when I finish this training, and now, all I feel is this flip flop of anxiety and depression at how daunting the tasks are. It’s like all the fear and second guessing that I thought I’ve pushed through (I’ve clearly just pushed it down instead) is now charging right back up, full steam ahead. So now I’m playing with the idea of going back to work until I’ve figured myself out (but then my soul dies inside at the thought of it). At what point does the Zen come in? I could really use some Zen at the moment. It’s like my world is just crashing down around me, but everything in actuality is totally fine. At least I’m not the only one struggling emotionally. People seem to be experiencing their own forms of nervous breakdowns too. People are melting down about their assignments, upcoming final tests, practice teaching, ex’s, etc. There are ALL THE FLAVOURS OF CRAZY happening. So naturally, my mind is a judgmental playground right now. I want to say “grow a real problem, you’ve taken a million tests in your lifetime this far! You’ve got this!” and “aren’t you here to learn how to teach? Why are you freaking out about practicing teaching?” and “you haven’t been through a divorce? Cool for you, forget about your ex”. I’m not sure why I feel like my painful experiences have more merit than anyone else’s right now, so I’m keeping my mouth shut before it gets me into trouble. That said, the whole concept of “misery likes company” has never given me comfort up until now.
Apart from being a glass house of emotions, my body seems to be in some form of fugue state. It doesn’t seem to know how to be a body anymore. I can’t feel my hip flexors anymore (I think they’ve just given up on being a part of my body) and my shoulder stabilizers no longer stabilize anything (I’m pretty much a walking zombie). I can see the physical changes in my body but I’m too tired to really care. I’m not sure why I even cared about the cosmetic physicality of my body in the first place. If a person looks good but is in pain, then who the eff cares! I’d rather be roly poly oly. More chocolate and more ice cream is what the doctor is ordering.
Last few days: IT CAN’T BE OVER YET! I DON’T KNOW ALL THE THINGS! I’M NOT READY TO ACCEPT THAT I MAY NEVER SEE THESE HUMANS AGAIN! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HAVE A SELF PRACTICE AND I DON’T KNOW IF I’M MOTIVATED ENOUGH! THIS EXPERIENCE WAS LITERALLY EARTH SHATTERING AND I’M NOT READY FOR IT TO BE OVER! I WAS JUST GETTING COMFORTABLE WITH THE DISCOMFORT! I’M NOT EVEN CLOSE TO FINDING FLOAT IN MY HANDSTAND! I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I FOUND MYSELF YET! I NEED MORE TIME! I NEED TO LEARN MORE! I’M NOT READY TO BE A TEACHER! I NEED TO BE A BETTER STUDENT FIRST! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE A TEACHER AND A STUDENT AT THE SAME TIME! I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK! I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO CANADA! EVERYONE IS GOING TO EXPECT THIS EPIC, FLOATING, ZENNED OUT HUMAN! I AM NONE OF THE THINGS!
So I stayed in Thailand and did an additional 300 hours of training…
This is my story yogis. I was extremely underprepared for my first teacher training, but looking back on it, the first 200 hours needed to be exactly as it was. I had to hit physical and emotional walls to slow me down and pull me back to presence. There is nothing glorious about lifting and sifting, but the journey is essential for our liberation. The juice is DEFINITLY worth the squeeze yogis and I wouldn’t be the teacher, student, or person I am today without this experience.
Stay tuned for the “How to NOT HAVE a nervous breakdown during your teacher training”!
- Brenna Bote
“To work in a field as intimate as the human body, and to be trusted enough to be called teacher, is one of the greatest honours this world has to offer. It demands the highest level of respect and responsibility from a human being.” – Brenna Bote